If you think someone you know is experiencing abuse, taking the time to learn about abuse and how to support someone are two important steps in helping your loved one reach safety and freedom.

If someone confides in you that they are experiencing domestic abuse there are some simple things you can do to support them. However, if the person you are worried about has not directly disclosed the abuse to you, it can be more difficult to support them but it’s good to understand how you can be there for them.

When supporting someone experiencing abuse, never put yourself in danger.

What is domestic abuse?

Domestic abuseis a pattern of behaviours which take place within an intimate or family relationship, making it difficult for the person experiencing abuse to have control over their own life or leave the relationship. These behaviours can be controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading or violent.  

Your friend or family member may be unsure if they are experiencing domestic abuse. If it is safe to do so, you could share types of abuse with them to help them come to terms with what they are experiencing. Try to keep in mind that they might not be ready to accept that their partner or relative is abusive yet.

Domestic abuse can include, but is not limited to, the following:

• Coercive control (a pattern of intimidation, degradation, isolation and control with the use or threat of physical or sexual violence)
• Psychological and/or emotional abuse [1]
• Physical or sexual abuse
• Financial or economic abuse
• Harassment and stalking
• Online or digital abuse

It’s important to understand that abuse is always underpinned by a pattern of power and control. Coercive control is a pattern of acts of assault, threats, humiliation and intimidation or other abuse that is used to harm, punish, or frighten their victim, creating a context of fear and control that makes it very hard for women to end the relationship. Coercive and controlling behaviour has been a criminal offence since 2015. 

[1] Office for National Statistics (ONS). (2018) Domestic abuse: findings from the Crime Survey for England and Wales: year ending March 2017. Published online: ONS