We are stronger than we know

The poem reflects the devious entrapment which I was sucked into and my desperate attempts to build the courage to escape my captor and save my babies. I endured hell for nearly six years and went through trauma that to this day, still haunts me. We are survivors for this and with the right counselling and support will progress and move on. My babies now 2 and 11 have experienced severe trauma, like myself. Our little world is finally looking up with a safe home to start and a Christmas tree finally.

We are stronger than we know My breath was taken away, swept off my feet, made me feel special. Love bombed from all sides. In the blink of an eye, life became restricted, affection turned on and off, not speaking my voice, remaining quiet when out. The world evolved around him. The abuse became intolerable yet hidden to the outside world. Rare occasions people saw, yet turned an eye. Gas lighting at its best. Degraded without consent for his own amusement, posted online for all to see. How could this monster be. Always my fault, stupid little me. I lost myself for years. Belittled, controlled, abused and bullied to the point of no return. Looking in mirror was a formal shell. Surely he loves me. The confusion of the ongoing circle. The control so very strong. One tried to leave, only to be pulled back, unable to breath. Who would want a single mother with a kid!! Pathetic, weak, whore, disgusting. I endured. How could I survive without. Thrown out at 8 months pregnant for speaking my voice. I slept on the cold floor of an empty house in December, with no heat or water. Cradling my love, my world, my everything. What could I do now. He found me, screaming abuse, it had to stop. Day two on the floor and I found myself overwhelmed with grief and worry. I searched helplessly and found the number that saved my life. These wonderful, fierce women entered my life. They brought support, police, idvas, Rasasc, the legal aid. It gave me the strength to reconnect with family and ask for help. I’d been cut off for so long. I wasn’t judged for being in the position of distress. I was given the love and support to breathe. Pregnant, 30s, single, homeless, financial distress and alone. Life couldn’t of put me any lower. I had walked away with my life and that I’m grateful of. Over a year on, I battled the demon in the system. The monster revealed for all to see. Guilty to the charges. Perpetrator for all to see. My children safe and my sanity slowly restoring the faith. I am not crazy. I am fierce, brave, worthy, loved, strong mother and most of all a women with a voice. I am surviving and true to my core. My voice is my light. You are not alone. [Image description: An image of Mount Fuji in Japan. There is a blossom tree at the left of the image and a large, clear lake in front of the snow-covered volcano, which is in the distance.]