Don’t ask

I am a survivor of nearly 30 years of domestic abuse – that has affected my physical and in particular mental health. The drip, drip nature of coercive control anesthetises you to what is going on. My abuse robbed me of my life. As an older woman I just want people to know why mentally it is so difficult to leave.

When they hit you, people see your damaged body But you lie What people do not see is what they do inside your head You don’t understand! It all starts so well They tell you are special and they care They tell you that they need you They buy you flowers and gifts You think, you’re special but they do not say that They tell you they need only you They ask you to stay home They say why go out with friends stay home with me. They tell you your friends don’t care for you like me You feel wanted you think they need you. They tell you what to wear to please them. They tell you that they know what is best for you They tell you that they want to make you a better person They tell you not to be late so that you are safe. They come and meet you to keep you safe They tell you that they want to know where you are because they care You think it strange but they love you what could be wrong!!! You want to make them happy so slowly, slowly, on it goes And then They hit you! They are sorry and beg for forgiveness They cry they plead You forgive them, they love you It starts again They buy you flowers and gifts…….. They say you must try harder and not to make them angry They are silent, they sulk, they ignore They criticise your family, your friends, the way you look, almost everything you do They ask for access to your phone, your email Not all at once but slowly, slowly You look around things seem different for other people but you don’t know why They are so reasonable when they do this You start to feel uncomfortable but you don’t know why This is abuse but you don’t know……….. [Image description: Dark writing on a pale pink background reads: “When they hit you, people see your damaged body. But you lie. What people do not see is what they do inside your head.”]