The night I got away, it wasn’t planned so I did not get a chance to think about what the steps would be after walking out the door. Mainly, because I believed I wasn’t ever getting out.
No one can prepare you for leaving abuse, even if there are resources online – it is the most terrifying experience. The police were speaking to me with masks on because of the covid-19 pandemic, and rushing to get my story without an interpreter so they could arrest the perpetrator on the spot. I felt so vulnerable and wished I had been killed instead.
People do not leave because of the unknown – there is not enough information for the aftermath – on ‘what happens after you’ve left?’ Where do I go for a safe shelter? Money? Food? Pet care – because they were abused too. I was isolated hundreds of miles away from family – how do I reach them?
It is because of the only friend I had at the time, after being isolated from everyone in my world, that I had my father come collect me, my mobile phone had been smashed to pieces ensuring I didn’t have contact with anyone. My best friend had his number, thankfully. So many people aren’t as fortunate as I was. In most cases, a Deaf person would not have anyone to step in and arrange their escape.
Once I had made it back with my family, professionals were coming to visit without interpreters, saying my parents could translate. I did not want my family hearing my story, details of the mistreatment I had faced – I wasn’t comfortable with this. I was ashamed. This showed their lack of training and professionalism. Twice, the police came to take my full statement without an interpreter, even after promising they were booking one. This made my anxiety so much worse, building myself up all night long to share my story. It left me so angry, frustrated and wanting to die – jump off a bridge because it felt like people were teasing me with a glimmer of hope for support, only to take away my voice. I could not understand what was happening, in the ‘process of recovering, rebuilding a life’.
The same happened again, when I went to court for the first restraining order – no interpreter had been booked even after three phone calls directly from my mum to check that they had organised one…I have no trust in the system. There is lack of empathy and awareness, of the impact this has on a Deaf survivor.
Thankfully, I had Deaf 4 Deaf – an NHS counselling service – that gave me 3 sessions of therapy whilst waiting on funding, to ensure I had someone to talk to straight away. Women’s Aid email me regularly checking in and sharing resources. A local domestic abuse service also did an assessment almost straight away and have since then provided an interpreter for every session of eye movement therapy (EMDR), treating complex PTSD. They understand the huge benefits of having the same interpreter. They have adapted quickly to understanding my needs as a Deaf person. In other services, I am still on a long waiting list for support. The only other suggestion they can offer is going to A&E – but every Deaf person knows this is the worst option because they do not get an interpreter instantly and we can be kept waiting up to 3 days for one…which is the last thing someone needs in a crisis – mentally and emotionally. Text shout is another piece of advice that I often get given – but many Deaf people struggle to understand written English grammar and find it difficult to express themselves without the use of sign language.
My local survivor-led crisis services cover out of hours crisis support, in British Sign Language (BSL) using FaceTime / Skype. They accompany Deaf people to A&E to support them and have support peer groups in BSL. The staff are themselves survivors or have personal experience of mental health / addiction. This is what’s needed across the country.
My experience of the justice system made my mental health even worse. I was unable to share my victim impact statement in court because I am Deaf and the court system didn’t consider me – my needs, for a BSL interpreter, even though I repeatedly said to them that interpreters need to be booked in advance. The police officer in charge of the case reassured me that I would be able to have my say in court, yet the victim support team decided on my behalf – without giving me any informed choices – that I couldn’t be there. I only found out afterwards that they had chosen themselves that I wasn’t going to be in court that day…because they had not sourced an interpreter. I was robbed of potential closure and that has affected my mental health even more. I am still trying to digest the fact this happened and accept that I will not get a chance to witness the outcome – and potentially to have increased the sentencing with my statement. No one has apologised and I’m left trying to keep on surviving because ‘the case is now closed’.
Having support, with no communication barriers would make it more bearable to deal with, instead of facing more challenges and battling to have my rights as a Deaf person met. To have access to a network of various support methods and professionals to aid my recovery.
It’s no good having ‘experts’ who have studied subjects surrounding this speaking on our behalf, when they are hearing or are not survivors themselves. They have no understanding of what it’s like to be Deaf and feeling alone, not being listened to or understood.
British Sign Language should be readily available, with visual resources that are clear to understand, because written English is not a Deaf person’s first language – it is sign. Support agencies should have an understanding of using online sign interpreters in an emergency situation until a face to face appointment is arranged with an interpreter present. Support groups with BSL interpreter bookings, captioned materials (or BSL relayed clips) on websites / TV screens in a waiting room / venue providing support.
Deaf awareness training and BSL level 1 courses should be mandatory. Extra funding needs to be allocated for services to set up specialised support tailored to the needs of Deaf survivors. I feel so lucky that I got out of my situation – and now I want to make sure that no one else in the Deaf community has to go through the experiences I did.