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When speaking is too hard I like to write how I feel down;
For all that I am, you are able to take everything away.
For all I build myself up to be, you are able to push me down instantly.
For all I love, you are able to fill with hate.
In what I find peace, you are able to create war.
In what I find laughter, you are able to slam into bitter silence.
In all I know, inside my heart, within the smashed beads of my eyes I know "you are able" only because I allow you to do so. And whilst you drag my deflated self-esteem around with you believing this will last forever, I slowly find the strength to rise above everything you have attempted to imprint within me.
I will engulf every ounce of negativity with every particle of courage, strength, beauty and independence which is within every survivor.
I will never give up hope. I am worth more than empty promises and broken dreams. My time is over for wallowing in self pity. Its time to rise up and create change.
ThisConfusion xx
P.S. "Remember To Keep Yourself Alive, There Is Nothing More Important Than
That" Afeni Shakur.
Created by thisconfusion on 13-Aug-12 03:23 GMT
...you are one strong minded plucky girl..... i wish i could just drive by and scoop you up in my car out of there......was just reading Flowers response on other post......she is right you know sweetheart.....you have to start thinking about keeping yourself alive ...and getting out asap......i know nobody can tell us when to leave...we just know ourselves within us when it is right.......your situation is more precarious than most....you are sitting on a lethal timebomb which could go off at any time.....and your brother is firmly with your father deciding your future ...time is of the essence for you....you know i am being direct with you because i am terrified for your safety.....so now i hope you will forgive me if i am even more bold in approach with some suggestions.........
1. Stop openly rebelling against or antagonising your father /your brother- the reason for this is you want them to think you are falling 'into line' or going along with their ideas...i know this is against your gut feeling and reaction but its something most of us do or have done to get out safe and alive....
2. Adjust your clothing so its a little less 'western'...to appease them and keep them calmer....and wrongfoot them a little (same as N0 1)
3. Try to keep a calm tone with them.....not argumentative.....you want them to think you are changing slowly-remember don't overdo the acting, they will smell a rat instantly
4. Spend some time with your mother cooking, chatting-you will value this memory later....but please do not tell your mother you are leaving.....she can honestly say she didn't know when pressed by your father/brother.....and its a burden best carried on your own shoulders for now
5. Other than the police and WA ...trust nobody...your community is small and close knit....you do not want word to leak out and back to your home
6. Your ability to leave the house alone is either curtailed by now or will soon be...so keep a phone handy.....and hidden in case you need to dial 999
7. Delete any incriminating posts/txts from your computer or phone......your brother will certainly be checking soon if not already
FINALLY, PLEASE GET OUT OF THERE ASAP.
Your quote from Afeni Shakur says it all "Remember To Keep Yourself Alive. There is Nothing More Important Than That"..........Sometimes we don't get second chances at that.......
much love and hugs
xxSiSxx
Posted by SIS on 13-Aug-12 15:51 GMT
Parents all have different levels of what they feel is right and wrong but in this society nothing allows them to treat you the way they have. I've been reading your posts and umming and aaahing about whether to respond. You're not alone. I really do feel for you. Right now you need to do what keeps you from being hurt. How ever good the intentions of your parents for protecting your honor the way they are treating you is hurting you.
Anything you do now may make things worse in the short run but ultimately there is nothing to suggest they would stay that way forever. Things may well ease with time and space. If you tow the line now and do as you are expected you could live many a year regretting and wondering what would have happened if you had followed your own dream. The dream they have for you might well include more of the same behaviour you are unfortunately experiencing now.
What do you want?
Your voice has a right to be heard.
Follow your own dream noone else will do that for you.
xx
Posted by rain on 13-Aug-12 18:07 GMT
