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ARCHIVE - Life after abuse
Here we go again. I get to that point, you know, when you try to move on with your life and make a success of yourself so you can shove it in your exes face. And of course he seems to have some sort of mind reading power that says 'you need to upset your girlfriend and make her life hell all over again'.
First of all, he was seen in my place of work just half an hour before I started, funny enough I used to work that time when we last spoke, but I had changed my hours that he didn't know about, so we was obviously looking for me.
So I told my management as they already know the situation, and of course they won't do anything about it, apart from hide me away if he comes in again, because apparently, he is doing nothing wrong until he 'aggravates' me. So I have to wait until he does something before they will remove him and make me feel safe in my own place of work. What a joke.
This has made me feel anxious at work, I have been having panic attacks and I am not able to sleep properly. Yet, that doesn't matter to anyone. I have a restraining order against this man for goodness sake!
My son has also been going to his house every weekend, his dad lives with his parents so they 'supervise' visits and my son came back the other week saying his dad shouts at everyone and has even hit his new girlfriend, so I have removed my very traumitised son from the situation!
Why does he do this? x
Created by Pog28 on 3-Aug-12 11:02 GMT
Tell the police he's been seen hanging round at work at your old start time, as well. Work may not act on it, but the police might!
Are your son's visits to his grandparents to see his dad part of any arrangement made in court or through mediation? You could be in a pickle of you stop this access if they were legal.
And don't let him do any more here than gove you a little wobble to shae with us - back on course and full speed ahead!
Flower xxx
Posted by Flowerchild on 3-Aug-12 11:10 GMT
And apparently, the restraining order only says that until he contacts me directly or indirectly he is doing nothing wrong, so basically he can stand right next to me and there is nothing they can do about it. I have also been told that unless there is evidence/witnesses they will not take action, so yeah, that makes me feel super safe!
His visits are not legal, my ex does not even have rights to my son, because of his record, so I can take him away and there is nothing he can do about it!
I feel like locking myself in the house, even though my ex has proved that even that isn't very safe. I just don't feel like I am being taken seriously. xx
Posted by Pog28 on 3-Aug-12 11:25 GMT
Hi Pog28,
Hanging around outside your place of work amounts to harassment, prohibition of which should be specified in your Restraining Order. Your Restraining Order should also prohibit him from alarming you in any way whatsoever, and since his behaviour is alarming you, it therefore amounts to a breach. The police should be taking this seriously, and if they are not you need to submit a stiff complaint to the IPCC.
You can get a Restraining Order amended - I have done it (variation of R.O. is the legal term).
You need to write to the Clerk of the Court where the Restraining Order was imposed - you may want to ring them first to ask who this is.
You write to the Clerk expressing your concerns about him hanging around outside your workplace requesting that your Restraining Order be amended to prohibit him from attending your workplace. The Court will contact the police, the CPS and also your IDVA if you have one. They will write to you with a date for your hearing. They will also write to your ex because he will be required to attend Court too, so that he is made aware of any change to the RO and he will also be issued with a copy of the amended RO.
If you have an IDVA, you may want to contact her beforehand to let her know you have requested a variation to the RO. If you don't have an IDVA, you can contact your local domestic abuse service and they will allocate you one.
When you arrive at Court, you will be asked to meet in private with your IDVA and the CPS to discuss your request. If the RO was imposed in a Magistrates Court, you and your ex will then be required to go before the Magistrates for the case to be heard and presented by the CPS. The Magistrates will then decide whether to grant the variation (in my case they did grant it)
That's the procedure you need to follow in a Magistrates Court. If your RO was imposed by a Crown Court, the procedure may be different and it would probably wise for you to contact them beforehand to check.
I hope this is helpful.
Good luck,
Love Ash xxxx
Posted by Ashley on 3-Aug-12 13:03 GMT
