ARCHIVE - General
I'm now (age removed by moderator) and my children have flown the nest I'm still stuck with my husband and really don't know where to turn. He is very abusive he gambles everything we have nothing. I work but only get 12 hours a week as we have all had ours hours drastically cut. So financially I can't support myself. I'm stuck in a nightmare and really don't think theirs anyway out for me. I really don't know how to go on or how to make thing bearable. I don't see my kids as they don't like the atmosphere. I can't blame them for that. I don't have no contact with my family as he as broken all ties with his gambling lies and bad attitude. My life is a prison of this house. I was wondering if anyone else as been or is in a similar situation.
Created by verytrapped on 30-Jul-12 22:52 GMT
(age removed by moderator) years young I say!
it's never too late to stop and think about the last 20 odd years and take stock and decide wether you want to spend the next 20 odd the same way.You say your husband is abusive, are you able to challenge this and does he take any notice and is there a gimmer of hope he will address this? Does he know how it 's affecting you?
sorry to hear this has effected your relationship with your children, it often does unfortunately. Can you not see them outside , meet them in town for a browse round and coffee and cake break somewhere perhaps? I understand when you Say you you feel tired and trapped , he 's draining the energy from you by your constant worry because of his abuse and gambling but life doesn't have to be like this for you and you deserve more x x x
Posted by MJ on 30-Jul-12 23:36 GMT
Sadly this was my life too this time last week. I'm the same age as you and have been with my husband 20 years. He didn't have gambling issues but was very verbally, physically and emotionally abusive and it was definitely having an impact on my children. He has also isolated me away frim all my family and friends. Anyway it took me months to make plans and even longer to find the courage to leave. I left last week and expected everything to feel instantly fantastic - it's been a struggle to get to this point and it's still a struggle right now but I'm really hoping eventually I'll get to the other side of the tunnel and there will be rainbows and happiness. I totally understand how hard it is but it isn't impossible if you can't carry on any more in this relationship there are ways to get out. Think carefully about what you want and then think of any ways you could achieve it xxx
Posted by Lisse Lou on 30-Jul-12 23:54 GMT
Hi Verytrapped and welcome to the Forum. Thank you for sharing your situation with us. I hope you are going to find the Forum a useful space to get support and advice to help you make plans for the future.
I can see that one of the barriers to you making plans is your concern about finances. You can find out what benefits you may be eligible for by checking the Turn2us website here.
You could also get support locally and can find your nearest service by clicking to the left of this page. There is also the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline 0808 2000 247.
Hope this is of some help to you at this really confusing, isolating and frustrating time.
Posted by WA Moderator on 31-Jul-12 11:19 GMT
I don't and can't spend the next 20 years like this. I won't survive another 20 years. I feel sick all the time I feel anxious I feel like my head is going to explode. I want to go but have no money. He calls my a useless fat B. I know I am now. But once I loved life and wasn't like this. My life now is only getting worse the kids are not here anymore so all I get is constant abuse. My daughter doesn't start uni till September but shes gone early. I must confess I talked her into getting out fast. I also did with my son and he went as soon as he could.
I can't meet them I never have any money I don't have any decent clothes my only shoes are what I work in and their ready for the bin. They were along time ago. I know I feel like the worlds victim but I honestly don't know what to do. I did leave him years ago when the kids were little I took them to a refuge about 14 years ago but let others talk me into letting him see the kids. I never had the strength after that. My situation is unchangeable as I have no money and no where to turn . I'm sorry for waffling Its my own fault because I had a chance once and threw it away. Thanks for your help
Posted by verytrapped on 31-Jul-12 11:25 GMT
...from someone who has surpassed the half-century i can tell you it's never too old to dump an abuser...that's a combined 30yrs of abuse speaking!!!....i am out 9 mths and life keeps getting better.....and it will for you too......you just have to trust yourself and believe you can do it........you have already taken a huge step by admitting your situation and coming on this forum.......now whilst he is out of the house grab a pen and paper and write down those contact numbers Lisa (our Moderator) gave you and start phoning.......knowledge and research is everything....gather up all the information you can...you will be amazed where your inner strength comes from once you get started... and do please be secretive and careful of your safety ...he will not be happy to learn you are planning on baling out!....keep planning and gathering up your information....and don't forget to eat small amounts to keep your brain focused.....good luck and keep us posted when you can...
much love and hugs
Posted by SIS on 31-Jul-12 12:08 GMT
Just to let you know you are not alone in this, I'm the same age as you and even though I don't have children I've been with my abusive partner for 20 yrs. Well done for having the courage to post on here, when I did it I felt it was the first stage on a long road to one day becoming free of abuse.
The ladies on here are always kind, understanding, offering support, guidance and great advice. Each and every one of us at different stages of being in, leaving, or out of an abuse relationship.
Keep posting, it's been a real help to me just knowing that others understand, gain as much knowledge as you can, you may feel as if you are stuck in a nightmare, but believe me there are loads of women that do get out, one day our turn will come.
Posted by Neverforget on 31-Jul-12 14:03 GMT
a year off my half century when I left.
three years on, I am happier than ever.
I know a woman who was 68 when she left her husband and ended up living in her car for six weeks before going to a refuge.
She was housed by the council has a beautiful two bedroom home of her own, and she is safe and sound, and healthy.
We all deserve a second chance of happiness.
Posted by ka3n on 31-Jul-12 19:26 GMT