ARCHIVE - Life after abuse

Dont email him Red, stay out of contact, you have done so well.
I am sorry your parents didn't understand, they probably did not want to acknowledge that their little girl has gone through such a terrible ordeal - I know that that doesn't make it any easier.
I know exactly how you feel about wanting to be loved, it is exactly how I feel and that is why I am still where I am today.
Don't give up on your dream red, there are good men out there but it is not him. I find it difficult to believe too but when we learn to love ourselves first, our prince charming will come. This situation will make us stronger. You are doing so well.

And it was exactly the right thing to do. You may need to give them a little time to absorb what you have told them. It is a horrible shock to them to know what was really going one and it must be worse than anything they imagined for them to react like this. They totally WILL be your lifeline, I'm sure. And maybe you need to let them read Bancroft's book or bits of it to help them understand how you could be so 'stupid' (vulnerable really, that's all). Nobody can fully understand who hasn't been there, but family can and should be supportive. I really hope they will be. Could you just tell them how you need them to be with you? That you need them to be gentle and loving, not angry and blaming? Ask them how they'd be with you if you'd been in a car crash and survived. You have been! That's what this is like. It might help them think about being gentler and kinder.

And no, I really don't think there is anything to be got from contacting him, lovely. It will only open up the wounds again. They can never tell us why, never apologise, never acknowledge the blame for what they've done. If they were man enough to do that, they wouldn't have behaved like that in the first place. I'm sure you have loads of questions you want to ask him but the problem is he won't have any honest answers that will be any help at all to you. He is more likely to try to trick you into believing he has changed and get you back to abuse all over again. Bancroft has more answers. Did you get the book yet?

The sort of love you talk about WILL come along I'm sure - you certainly deserve it - and it isn't too much to ask for, but you have some healing to do first. It will take a while before you can trust anyone again and you will be very cautious and suspicious too. That's good, actually because you will be less likely to be taken in by another bad egg. There are danger signs you need to be on the alert for!

Write him off, he's a dead loss. Get well, get strong, work on your relationship with your friends and family, keep up the no contact - ban the 'friend' who showed you his facebook - and begin to live well and happily again. Then l hope love will come into your life when you are ready and give you all the happiness you are craving.

Keep us posted, and well done again for getting out and telling your parents. Two good moves!

Flower xxx

Well done for telling your parents. I am sorry for the reaction you got, but they are shocked and upset. The important thing is that you do not need to live with a terrible secret any more, and you have been honest with them
Do keep talking to them about it and explain how hard it was. People who have never experienced abuse often find it very difficult to understand, and often end up, sometimes inadvertently, blaming the victim.
You could suggest they look at the Women's Aid website - you could print some useful information for them, or maybe suggest they call The National Domestic Violence Helpline. Encourage them to seek understanding, and not to dismiss the situation as your fault.
You also say that you just want to be loved. There is nothing wrong with that! It is a basic human desire and drive. However, you may need to start by building your self-confidence and self-esteem. Some men are not able to love without needing to control and possess. It is important you are in a strong place so that you can recognise this type of 'love' for what it is, and establish strong boundaries to keep yourself safe.
Wishing you all the best, and keep posting!
Lisa