ARCHIVE - Life after abuse

He's playing control games.

OK, now you need no contact,. You've sent the email. He's never going to say, 'Oh, OK, I get it, that's fine,' is he?! Sending it ONCE is all you need to do.

Never mind asking, begging, pleading with him to tell his folks to back off. He'll never do that, either. You've done everything you need to do bar one thing. Cut them off. Block them form your phone and email, block them and anyone who is or may be a mutual friend on fb.

That sorts it. You need to tell your parents to block him, too. Talk to your phone provider about how to do this.

Ask the police about a non-mol or restraining order to stop him contacting you. keep any messages you already have as evidence.

Good luck!

Oh, and try to get hold of Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That? which will make you sit up and take notice if you haven't already read it. We all recognse out abuser in there!

Flower xxx

That was my plan, I have asked him to stop, if he doesn't its not very clear its against my wishes that he continues. I did say it on the phone before, but now its in writing. I am considering changing my number, its just such a hassle for me to do that.

I have deleted his family from FB. We know some mutual people, and they are good friends of mine, but they are aware of the situation.

I feel like an idiot for even trying to rationalize this and wanting to keep him weeks ago, saying I'd do anything and change for him, I was just thinking about the baby and wanting it to have a father. Probably playing right into what he wants me to be. I feel such a fool xxx

do anything that you request

Heaven No!!

he will be predictable by his unpredictability

that is why the No contact rule is imperative now

you are not beholden to him anymore
you are a lot more capable than you realise.

if he does harass you, report him to the police.
if his family harass you report them too
have you got a solicitor or support worker or DV police support worker?

he is playing the mind game and he will try every trick in the book as he is loosing control to try and re instate that control

stay safe.
don't be bullied into anything or by anyone
I hope your family will be there for you but like so often in this situation they are so isolated from the situation that we end up living in they are not aware

rather than wait to see if he calls them, why don't you call them first
calling his bluff will take the wind out of his sails

Ka3n

... that he could acknowledge that I want no more contact, to stop sending anything. I really don't get why he didn't throw the sketch in the trash instead all the effort of mailing it.

I am not going to contact him again, he knows I have a scan on Thursday, I hope he doesn't contact me again, if he does I will ignore it, but keep it. I won't be sending him a picture of the scan anymore, even though I said originally I would.

The DV officer is going to give me a call and arrange a meeting, although I feel so horrible for doing this as I think of the good times we had together, the thought of telling the police everything makes me cry, like am I doing the right thing, what could this do to him?

I can't tell me family, not even about the pregnancy, despite being in tri2, I am hiding it, I am just too afraid to say anything but petrified he is going to say something. Only some v close friends of mine know.

just block incoming calls from HIS number. I think!

And even if those mutuals are your friends I'd still advise cutting them off on fb. Go inactive on your account if need be. If you block other channels he may put pressure on those friends to let him access your fb on their computers and that wouldn't be fair on them. Also BEWARE of random new people sending friend requests. Could be him or someone he's controlling in disguise..

Stay safe, I hope you're well and are getting time to consider your future plans calmly.

Flower xxx.

I think I have to go to orange to get his number blocked, hopefully I won't have to change my number, so I'll look into that.

I never add people I've never met on fb so wont start now.

I have every confidence that you will get free of this man and his ghastly family. They are like a horrible sticky spiderweb that you blundered innocently into, aren't they?

But with every action you take you are getting clear of it all.

It's such a pity that your pregnancy is overshadowed by all this trouble when of course it should be a magical, exciting time with friends and family delighted ad a loving partner supporting you every step of the way, shared dreams etc.

So many women on here have had similar experiences of being abused and even physically attacked through their pregnancies or forced to wait hand and foot on an abuser who lolls on the only sofa in the house! We get brought up to expect the whole fairytale and end up just doing the start of the Cinderella story...

I agree you should not sen him the scan, despite what you may have generously promised. As I see it, he has forfeited the right to have any say in this, and legally he is nowhere because you were never married to him (that would have complicated getting out in so many ways).

You are strong, smart and capable of being safe, free and happy. There is support on here for whatever you decide, and no judgements made.

Sending you strength and hugs (hugs are rare from me!)

Flower xxx