ARCHIVE - Life after abuse
I'm beginning to realise that there's a good chance I'll have to work with my ex.
I've got into university to study to become a (removed by moderator) (he doesn't know this yet). There are placements as part of it and my ex works on several sites where the placements are likely to take place. Several of these sites are leaders in their field so if I decline the placements I will be effecting my future career.
I'm so conflicted about this. On the one hand I feel like I'm damned if that loser is going to effect my future anymore than he has; and like why shouldn't I get what I want/need because of him. On the other hand I am scared stiff that I'll see him. As my friend's have pointed out it's pointless to pretend he'll just leave me be. He will go out of his way to be awkward and difficult at the least. In the worst case scenario...well I think we all know what they can do when their power is threatened.
I don't know what to do. I think he's found some other poor girl so I'm off his radar now (fingers crossed). But if he's reminded that I'm still alive and happy and succeeding things could get nasty. And that's not to mention the horrible feeling of fear that sweeps over me whenever he's around. But maybe I could just grit my teeth and get on with it?
Part of me wonders if he's been fired but I don't know how to find out? He was on his final warning (for bullying and intimidating other staff - including one poor woman who had to take long term sick because of it; and now following instructions wilfully). And I know the police had to arrest him for an accusation of physical violence at work after I left. However he's very slimy and he could well have wriggled out of things. How could I find out?
Created by hope2012 on 15-Jul-12 10:13 GMT
This is great news and your future sounds so exciting.
It's waaaay to sson to be worrying about him messing up your placements, I think. It would be pretty unlucky for you to run up against him, wouldn't it? And by the sound of it he may well be gone already, or gone before he has a chance to mess things up for you. Or if he did, his reputation and record would stop anyone trusting him to supervise people on placements. As a last resort you could alert the people organising the placements and they can make sure he isn't involved in supervising yours.
Thinking this way, aren't you letting him live rent free in your head, as it were?
Why not just focus on your exciting, wonderful future?
Posted by Flowerchild on 15-Jul-12 10:25 GMT
Don't let that put you off....I'm a (removed by moderator) if you explain in confidence to the university I'm sure they will make some allowances when allocating you to your placements. There are so many areas to cover during your training that it shouldn't be too much difficulty....although you may have to request some swapping and planning.
It is possibel You could even get through your whole training with barely any or even no contact.
Don't let it put you off let it make you more determined to succeed. For the record I love being a (removed by moderator) I did my training when my kids were little and with little support from him but had excellent support from my family and I've never regretted it.
Posted by lookinforward2 on 15-Jul-12 11:12 GMT
You shouldn't have any difficulty...his behaviour won't be tolerated and he clearly can't control it very well of he allows it to show at work too so if your lucky he may have been dismissed and if not any ounce of trouble then it's likely you'd be believed if he does make things difficult for you....rest assured he won't am don't let it stop you Xx
Posted by lookinforward2 on 15-Jul-12 11:16 GMT
I hadn't thought about that, his reputation does rather precede him doesn't it? One wrong move and it would just go on his already bad record. Thank goodness he isn't one of the ones who managed to be constantly charming (he tried but fails as he just can't keep it up).
It really is exciting too - not 'stupid' after all eh.
The problem is it will be hard not to encounter him if he is there. He's in a security related role and rattles around like a bad smell harassing the wards for tea and biscuits and bullying people who get in his way. And if he is there I'll end up seeing him, or a colleague for my ID badge.
I hope he's been fired. It would make life a lot easier.
Posted by hope2012 on 15-Jul-12 11:50 GMT