ARCHIVE - Life after abuse

Where to begin? Firstly I don't need to tell you that sleeping with his friend wasn't a wise move, u know that yourself hence why u feel guilt but mostly why you are feeling terrible about not being able to contact him too, you would like reassurance without obviously telling him what you have done, please don't think I say that in a judgemental way, not at all, we all find comfort it different ways, but please also question would you have made that decision if you wasn't self medicating, is that clouding your judgement, will that in the longterm lead you into one mess after another, I understand its an escapism, mine is to sleep when ever I can, please see your GP with regards to not using protection, I say this with all the kindness in the world but a baby is the nicest thing you can catch, I'm sure I don't have to tell you that, and I also say that from experience, sometimes when were on an all time low we mistake comfort for something else, that's when we need to be around people that won't take advantage of the situation, unless you want to continue seeing his friend I would do your best to cut him loose, good luck hun, and remember nobody will ever understand unless they have been through it themselves, and some people will use your vulnerability to get what they want, here you won't find any of that, were all here to try and get each other through our terrible times, look after yourself, please see your GP, much love x x x

Please don't feel too guilty for being intimate with your ex's friend. People seek comfort in many different ways when they have experienced a traumatic event.
It is quite normal to feel that you are putting on a mask when you are around your friends and colleagues but you must remember that you have nothing to feel ashamed about as you have done nothing wrong.

Have you considered attending The Freedom Program? Many women hugely benefit from being around other women who have experienced abuse and learning about the tactics abusers use when trying to control someone.

Self medicating can alleviate the short term feelings that you are experiencing but do not address the long term issues. If you feel that you need to talk to someone about substance misuse then you can contact the 24 hour telephone advice line FRANK on 0800 77 66 00.

Please keep posting and seeking support. You have come so far in leaving your ex and I hope you can draw strength in remembering that.

Take care,
Lisa.

your kind and supportive words and advice mean so much to me. i got the morning after pill, i think i should be okay on anything else as i got tested when i slept with him a few months ago and he's only slept with a couple of girls since. i still feel confused and am talking to the friend haven't met up again though, i do think i may just be seeing him to feel closer to my ex as i miss him so bad sometimes as well as hating him too i can assure you, he was my first serious boyfriend and i lost my virginity to him too and i wouldn't claim strength for leaving as he left me by going inside. with the drugs its been habit for the last 5 years since i was very young i've tried to quit and seen the docter about it but i dont think i want to give up enough right now i need it. its so hard for us all i know but i do feel stronger now, i can definately see light at the end of the tunnel and i hope everyone here is begginning to feel the same way to, love bla xxx

it might not seem it but your reacting in very normal ways, but you haven't betrayed him, he betrayed you ....and your most definately not an idiot ..the mask is protection im not sure iv let that one down with very many people to be honest just yet and not sure i ever will ....i self medicated for alot of years from early teens and honestly never thought id be saying this but i write today completely clean and i very rarely drink either and the biggest hurdle i crossed is i can say no now and not even wish id said yes ....things are clearer , your judgement comes back i didnt dare thinking about it before either im not saying its easy but its well worth it...surrond yourself with supportive people coz as was said above some target vunerable people for there own means only leaving us with more hurt ....i did freedom in jan found it very helpful and insightful as well as a giggle with the girls, made a reliable bunch of friends who understand the ups and downs ....im sure you will do fab at uni but it is nerve raking, i found my course gave me some focus and kept me busy it will all come together one step at a time hoping tommorrow is a better day take good care of you impy xx

its so comforting to see others can relate, i know one day i will quit and see clearly i guess, and your right uni will be a great escape to take my mind off things and occupy my time differently. maybe i will even meet a decent man for once! his friend is just messing up my head more i feel even more insecure, low and paranoid since seeing him and needy for my ex i was really upset and missing him last night, its like being with his friend makes me feel close to him, but he never will be him, no one will and i need to accept it will never work he can never change,, stop answering his calls and basically see him as dead to me. never to see again, the thought is so scary but unless children are involvded its the best way for every woman on here. i think i should just forget about men for a while and focus on health, friends, work and studies. thanks again, i hope you are all coping okay today, love bla xx