ARCHIVE - Is it domestic abuse?
Can someone please talk to me, iv been in a relationship for 5 years ,He is an ex heroin addict and at first was constantly messing his appointments up and always ending up using heroin,i thought i was worth more and then i made a drunken mistake a had a one night stand, i realised that i love him and it wasn't worth it and got back together with my partner, he says it doesn't bother him and that we could work through it, but after a while every time he doesn't want to do something or doesn't get his own way, he calls me names, tells me he doesn't love me & now we have a son together its got worse, he knows i cant just walk out with nowhere to go, he threatens to have my son taken away from me & tells me im a bad mom , he starts arguments about housework & using the internet, when i say im leaving he tells me im not taking my son & when he gos to work he only leaves enough money for food, he told me if i do go he will find me, he said he will track my national insurance number, every time we argue i forgive him and we go back to normal, but last night he strangled me whilst my son was in the living & then twisted my arm up my back so i couldnt move, its getting worse & i feel like its all my fault for cheating, i dont want my son growing up around this, but i dont want him to miss out on seeing my partners family, i cant tell his mother as i fear she wont believe me , we also have a pet dog whom im afraid to leave with him , im so stuck and dont know what to do. please help !!
Created by confused12 on 26-Jun-12 15:24 GMT
Im sorry to be the bearer of bad news but this is actually more than emotional abuse, it is physical also and will not improve.
It is dangerous and sounds as if it is escalating recently
Can you call the dv helpline and get support in your area
If he is still using drugs he is a very dangerous man indeed!
I know exactly how you feel about the dog, my ex used to go on and on Znd on about my dog, I didn't do this right, I didn't do that right he was constantly on my back about him.
The poor dog was petrified of him
One day we came home and I asked my ex to take the fig out for a wee, he became so mad, he totally lost it.
He tried to throw my dog a toy breed, over a stair well, then over a balcony and ended with him pinning the dog up against the wall throttling him, all the time threatening to get a knife and kill the poor dog
I could not get over this attack
It was worse than any inflicted directly on me
I was beside myself for days and could not stop crying. This wax when I started to access the dv helpline
I rehoused the dog because it wasn't right allowing him to be any where near that evil son of a b***h.
He actually bragged about this and made a big joke of it, I seriously could not get over the evilness of it
Please get your self some support in your area ASAP
Keep us posted I will be thinking of you
Posted by Beau on 26-Jun-12 15:52 GMT
you definately need to get out of there hun, he is being phsyically abusive as well as emotional. He is black mailing you with your son, abusers use children to get to you. Thats what mine has been doing with me..... using my children and my friends against me.
What you did with another man is no excuse for what he is doing to you. There is never an excuse for anybody to lay a finger on you. Can you get a refuge?. I hope you can escape with your son xxxx
Posted by Tatters on 26-Jun-12 15:59 GMT
Thank you for your reply, i felt stupid because iv put up with it for so long and other women have been through so much more, i really want to just get out and get m self into a refuge and runaway from him, but i cant leave the dog and have no way of getting all mine and my sons stuff out with out hi knowing, im sorry to hear about what happened to your dog & you, i cant stand animal abuse, i know he wouldnt hurt my dog, but he wouldnt be able to look after him as he works , the main problem i have is my son, i know his family will defend him, and im afraid if i leave and give him acess to my son than he will try and take him away from me xx
Posted by confused12 on 26-Jun-12 16:03 GMT
i really hope i can get refuge and get out of here, i just seems so hard, and i dont know who to go to and were they are ? i have only ever phoned the police once and they dropped him off in the nearst town , he just comes back xx
Posted by confused12 on 26-Jun-12 16:05 GMT
They will put you in touch with local services and find a refuge for you, they can put you in touch with organisations that will foster your dog for you for a while
Posted by Beau on 26-Jun-12 16:28 GMT
Welcome to the forum and thank for choosing to share your story with us. I am pleased to see that you have already got a lot of support from our members. I am sorry though to hear about the way you partner not only ridicules, demean and verbally make you feel worthless but also the fact that he physically abuses you. Strangulation could lead to fatality, but thankfully you are here with us today. His behaviour puts you and your son in a vulnerable situation.
Your partner is also using a lot of scaremongering to try and manipulate you into staying with him. You are not a bad mother nor has he got any grounds to take your child away from you. His is the one who is treating you badly. This abuse is never your fault and he is always responsible for his own behaviour and to change it.
You are right not to want your son growing up in this environment as this can have quite an adverse affect on him. Once you are safe there is no reason why your son can’t continue his relationship with his grandparents. This can then be under your terms where it does not pose a risk to you.
Going into a refuge is an option to try and make your situation safer. You can also find help for your dog in a pet fostering service.
Please call the 24 hour Domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247 to explore all your options. You really do deserve a better future for you and your son, alternatively you can find help locally from a Domestic Abuse Service.
I hope you find the forum a rewarding place to get support. Keep posting.
Posted by WA Moderator on 26-Jun-12 23:29 GMT