ARCHIVE - Children, young people and domestic abuse

If it werent for my two lovely boys I would end this miserable life.Iam stressed to the hilt & dont know how much more I can take.I feel pathetic especially when I read other posts on here & so many are going through court cases etc.My details were past to The national family mediation people from my ex's solicitor.I went yesterday for an assessment.I told them about the abuse & the mediator said he didnt feel it was beneficial to mediate with regards to my children having contact with their dad,as they are old enough to make that decision & he didnt feel it was appropriate in the circumstances.He tried to persuade me to have mediation for finances & told me he knew about the freedom programme.He told me I would have to have mediation with my ex in the room,this I cannot face & I told him so.He suggested staggered appointments,but said not to make a decision then,to think about it & let him know.Today I recieved a text from the mediation centre with a suggested date for a joint appointment,when I rang to say I hadnt made a decision the lady I spoke to said the mediator had told her something completely different.The appointment was @ a time I specifically asked for it not to be.I feel Ive not been listened to at all,I felt so stressed about going to the appointment yesterday,that was in the knowledge my ex wouldnt be there.The mediator also mentioned a confidentiality form which he had in front of him but didnt ask me to sign.He told me that my ex had told him about an incident @ our sons school,where my ex was banned from going on the site.Not confident in their confidentiality! I feel like Im climbing an impossibly massive mountain,Im passing blood(has been checked out) have an eye that is almost constantly twitching & was supposed to go for ecg for a tight chest.Have no more energy.so so sorry for going on & on.