ARCHIVE - Life after abuse
im so angry i could scream, a lot of mine and my ex violent bf's arguments have been public knowledge as they often happen when drink is involved and then as ive stated before he turns to cocaine that then triggers his aggressive streak, hence many a performance has happened in my local pub.
well today ive found out through a friend how ive been the talking point today in there how 'im just as bad as him' 'she keeps taking him back' blah blah blah. yes i have took him back many times and yes maybe that means i deserve to be beaten , spat at, emotionally abused, mentally abused, in their eyes, but i have never abused that man/monster at all, and that i can swear on my sons life, i dont do drugs, i drink socially on weekends, i dont sleep around, i keep a nice home, ive done everythin for that man and i mean EVERYTHING, so how dare they say im as bad as him. i know what he has done.......he's fed them a load of the mr nice guy act (the same one i fell for when i met him) ive seen him in action before when he's wanted something or to get somewhere to be honest so i shouldnt expect anything less, it just gets me so angry. ive kept quiet about the rest of the abuse thats he's done to me outside of the pub because i wouldnt want them all knowing but he feels its ok to bad mouth me, its disgusting. some of these people were my so called 'friends'. but i can see how they would fall for his act, i did! im just feeling so ate up inside now, i cant stop crying i hate the fact that people who i sat and drank and had a giggle with for 2 yrs think so low of me!
Created by anxiousann on 12-Jun-12 23:30 GMT
The one who told you all this? That's not what friends do. This person is NOT your friend. This person is a gossippy stirrer who likes to push your buttons.
At a time like this you find out who your real friends are. You may not have as many as you thought, but you'll know the true ones and they are gold dust.
This person will not be on that list. You have no idea what is said in there behind your back but my money says it's NOT what this person is telling you. This person got a thrill saying stuff to your face and hiding behind 'he said, she said, they said,' and they will be back to do it again and again IF you let them.
You are prudent and wise not to splurge your agony all over your local - you want to go on drinking there! People will wise up to him - lots of them probably have already - and will get sick of hearing his drivel. They will wonder why you don't do the same and then respect you for it. They probably already think highly of you for your restraint and will think more highly still as the contrast between you and your ex grows clearer.
Please don't judge and condemn your friends because one person wants to turn the whole affair into a public soap opera for their own entertainment. Hold your head high and smile for your friends. Judge them by what they say to your face and do to support you.
And decide what you want to do about the false friend who sets out to hurt you and kick you when you're down. You know what they say - with friends like that, who needs enemies?
The whole world is not against you - just one person (two if you count your ex in!)
Stay safe, stay strong, keep posting, live well.
Posted by Flowerchild on 12-Jun-12 23:54 GMT
in the back of my mind i was already thinking why would this person feel the need to tell me all that, ignorance can be bliss sometimes, i already made the decision not to drink there anymore anyway, im too embarrassed to be honest, thank you flower you confirmed my inner thoughts xx
Posted by anxiousann on 12-Jun-12 23:59 GMT
This has really struck a cord with me, it's so close to home.
My family used to run a pub for a long time, so a lot of bad things happened in there with regards to my ex. Pretty much for the world to see.
People saw him attack me emotionally and physically pushed me around.
His reputation proceeds itself in there
Once he snatched the baby put of my arms in the kitchen whilst I was breast feeding and was removed by the police.
Mine too would do the other and then switch
He was really nasty to me, and what those people saw was him being guarded when we got home the abuse doubled tripled in fact.
These admitted to throwing dog shot in my face and boasted about the sexual abuse
Yet when I had him arrested and took out a non molestation order and stopped him seeing our kids people turned on me.
People said I was as bad as him
I also got that whole I know what he's like but you shouldn't stop him seeing his kids and people actually followed me and called him reporting when I went to see my own family
Once actually at my mums wake his cousin said to me I was as bad as him to which I replied so you tell me when I've ripped his clothes off him and bruised him smashed I'l his home, then I left
Thing is these people are not your friends huni.
And you don't need them in your life they are the ones as bad ad him
They probably treat their girlfriends the same or are being treated like that themselves
They are not supporting you and you need to drop them all put of your life in order to stay safe. Sad but true
So many people just turn a blind eye to abuse.
Partly because they are not the ones suffering.
I know it may seem harsh but pick yourself up, dust off all those s**t things their saying and forget it!
They ain't worth you'd time
There's hundreds of pubs out there, it's time to make new friends and a new start
With healthier people
Lots a love
Posted by Beau on 13-Jun-12 09:53 GMT
but then again i did, charming, funny, kind generous, i fell for it all so i spose its easy for everybody else to, especially when they havent gotta share their lives with the monster he really is, well i havent been to the pub since, as far as im concerned i have no friends there, it will only be a matter of time anyway before he shows his true colours and as i wont be there i wont be to blame. sorry to hear you have faced a similar situation, the frustration is unbareable i know.
best wishes xxx
Posted by anxiousann on 24-Jun-12 22:24 GMT
You will win in the end
Every day away from him is another day of winning in my book.
Lots a love
Posted by Beau on 24-Jun-12 23:59 GMT
your messages are really moving, plus im an emotional wreck,
much love xxx
Posted by anxiousann on 25-Jun-12 00:49 GMT