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I was pleased to see that this issue was raised on Yahoo today...
This is the article:
It’s easy to assume that domestic violence refers to just that – violence. Physical harm caused to one partner in a relationship, most often the woman.
But actually the official definition recognises a wide number of abuses as domestic violence, including psychological, emotional – and financial.
In some ways, financial abuse is even easier for attackers to hide; there are no tell-tale bruises provoking awkward questions.
Not only that, we’re notoriously touchy when it comes to discussing finances in the UK, even with our friends or family. That can make it even harder for victims to reach out for support, or question whether a situation is normal.
So what is financial abuse?
If a partner is preventing someone from having financial independence then they could be considered financially abusive.
The way this abuse manifests itself can vary, but often includes controlling their partner’s bank account or benefits; demanding to see receipts accounting for all spending; stealing or demanding money; making their partner ask others for money; and preventing their victim from spending money on themselves or their children.
So at one extreme, abusers don’t allow their partners to have any say in the household finances and control every penny. At the other extreme, they trap their partners with mountains of debt, putting all the household bills in their name.
Victims can become trapped in a cycle of poverty, causing physical and mental ill-health, a lack of confidence and feelings of isolation.
Is it really as bad as physical violence?
Financial abuse can leave victims feeling unable to escape unhappy and physically violent relationships, by trapping them with debts or limited funds. Women are most often the victims, and may feel unable to leave abusive partners because of their financial insecurity, particularly if they have children to think about.
According to Walby & Allen’s British Crime Survey 2004, 41% of women who’ve experienced domestic force have also suffered financial abuse. When you consider that one in four women will experience domestic violence in their lifetime, you can see that the problem of financial abuse is bigger than you might initially think.
However, financial abuse isn’t restricted to women experiencing physical violence. Research from the YWCA, now renamed Platform 51, shows that some women suffering financial abuse don’t recognise that they’re being mistreated because they are not being hit.
According to this charity, the average age of women experiencing financial abuse is 20. That’s an age where many people have not yet formed sound financial judgement, making them even more vulnerable to manipulation.
For example, Gabriella was with her partner for nine months and escaped a financially abusive relationship with the help of Platform 51. She described what happened: “My boyfriend constantly asked me for money, which he spent on booze, and I'd have no money for myself. When I told him I didn't have any money left he called me a liar and checked my bank statements. He insulted me until my self-esteem was at rock bottom.”
Escaping financial abuse
Unfortunately, it seems unlikely that people experiencing financial abuse are reading this article. Someone experiencing such extreme economic control isn’t likely to spend time browsing a website dedicated to making the most of their money.
That’s why it’s so important for people to be aware of this issue, to watch out for the signs, and to have information on how victims can escape and rebuild their lives. The charity Refuge, in conjunction with HBOS, has published a useful financial guide (opens as a pdf) for women and children fleeing domestic violence.
Sadly, escaping an abusive partner is rarely as simple as packing a bag and walking out, especially if the victim is experiencing money worries. Here are three things to bear in mind:
.Build an escape fund. This can be tricky if the abuser is very controlling over money but aim to put small amounts of cash aside over a period of time.
..Set up a new bank account that your partner doesn’t have access to, requesting that the bank doesn’t send bank statements to the shared home.
..You can simply walk out in a crisis. Your local benefits office can issue a crisis loan in an emergency, even if you don’t receive benefits. If violence escalates and you need to run then there is financial help available.
What to take
It will be easier to rebuild your finances if you manage to take a few key documents with you when you go. Of course, if you don’t manage to take these with you, you can get copies, but you’ll find your feet faster with these to hand.
Documents to try and take with you include pay slips and other tax documents, such as P45 forms; passports; your National Insurance number; bank statements; documents proving ownership of any belongings; details of credit cards and bills that are shared or in your name; your birth certificate and the birth certificates of your children.
If it’s not safe to take the original documents then try making copies, or simply scribbling down key information such as account numbers.
Getting free from your ex’s debts
Once you’ve escaped, it can feel daunting to start disentangling your financial affairs from your ex’s. The most important thing to remember is that they will also be able to see your bank statements from joint accounts, which can include locations of cash machines that you’ve used. If you’re lying low then consider setting up a new account and transferring money into it instead.
Remember that if you share a bank account, you are jointly liable for any overdraft, even if your ex has spent the money. If the account is in credit then talk to the bank about closing it down; some banks allow you to do so without your partner’s consent.
If the account is already overdrawn then the bank will allow you to freeze it, after which you should seek legal advice. Talk to a charity like Women’s Aid or Refuge if you’re not sure how to access help.
Dealing with debt can feel overwhelming but you can’t ignore it. The biggest priority is making sure your partner can’t run up any further debt. Then you can start regaining control of your credit. Unfortunately you will be jointly responsible for any shared debt and if the creditors can’t chase your ex, they’ll come to you. It may not be fair but it is the law.
There are many organisations out there that can help you plan, discuss your options or simply listen.
Women’s Aid and Refuge jointly run a 24-hour National Domestic Violence Helpline. It’s free to call on 0808 2000 247, and won’t show up on BT bills.
Created by woman1 on 18-Mar-12 09:31 GMT
I am exactly in this position. I work full time and in theory I should have ample finances but I don't. All my money is used every month on all the bills and anything else leaving our joint account. Meanwhile my husband doesn't get his salary paid into that account and has his own private account. Plus I have got all the debts in my name. A couple of things I didn't agree with in the article tho - it kinda of assumes the victims are young and naive and unaware of money issues who wouldn't be reading that sort of information - I'm totally aware of the issues but as my husband is physically and mentally abusive I have no control - that's quite a big difference and I would have thought many victims don't suffer just one form of abuse but it's actually just one part of the whole issue. Also the point about opening a new bank account - it's not that simple. I'm currently trying to do this in preparation for when I leave but the bank need my address to send the paperwork to and it has to be my actual address so they can check it with the electoral roll also need to do a credit check and my credit rating is in tatters so doubt they'll be willing to even let me have one when I do have a new address to use. Overall tho it is good that financial abuse is being recognised as an issue to be honest this has been one of the main reasons why I haven't been able to leave cos I've just not had the financial resources to escape and it's a huge worry about how to deal with this xx
Posted by Lisse Lou on 18-Mar-12 10:11 GMT
Since leaving my partner this has been the main form of abuse. He has withheld my share of the family wealth claiming it is all his and that I contributed nothing. I had to go to court and justify my contribution. Luckily for me, the judge decided that 'both parties contributed to the family wealth in equal shares' and as such, there is now a division of assets. The judge unfortunately did not give proper weight to the fact that there is still no full disclosure, that he passed money on to friends to keep, squandered money on designer kitchens and expensive cars, and remortgaged to the hilt and vapourized that money. Not fair eh? Going to Appeal now. Wish me luck.
Posted by KiaKahaWahine on 18-Mar-12 12:06 GMT
Thanks so much for bringing this article to our attention. Those of you who have been following my posts will know that I was in a abusive marriage for 32 years but didn't realise it for 26 years. This included financial abuse, but strangely it has been harder for me to accept this than accept his other abuse.
I met him when I was still at school. Before I met him I always considered myself to be good at managing money, and like Lisse-Lou, I always had plenty of money even though I was still at school and only had a Saturday job. We got married as soon as I left school, and I got a full time job. He suggested we should have a joint account, and at the time it seemed a sensible idea, but it turned out to to be the biggest mistake of my life. As soon as we opened the joint account he forbade me to have access to it, even though I was working full time and earning quite a good salary. We had row after row about it, but he never gave in and he was such a skinflint with money that we weren't allowed to spend anything unless it was absolutely essential. Yet with alcohol the sky was the limit. He was an alcoholic who drank eight pints of beer in the pub every night, except the amount he spent on booze was never allowed to be an issue - it was almost as if the money for booze came from another income stream!
32 years later I left the marriage with a phobia about money which I'm still struggle to overcome, and large debts, which thankfully I have now managed to pay off. For the first time in many years I am now debt free, but money matters still fill me with anxiety. x
Posted by Ashley on 18-Mar-12 15:24 GMT