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ARCHIVE - Life after abuse

and now the pain is even worse............

hes now just admitted he is seeing someone else........says its coz we cant get back together after what he did......he says he loves me and will never do it again..... i dealt better with the violence than i am this...............im in pieces at the thought he has hugged, kissed and touched someone else...........the pain is aweful......just dont wanna be here any more............ive never been so low............

Created by xmas123 on 14-Feb-12 10:55 GMT

hugs to you

Ive been through that pain, although my hubs has denied it and tried to convince me im mad!
Im sorry to hear your low and not so good with words but hate to see a message unanswered. Be strong, no one is worth making you feel like you dont want to be here anymore.........
Big hugs and love to you xxx

Posted by whysitsohard on 14-Feb-12 11:18 GMT

he wants you to say....

"I cannot sand it... Yes, we still can be together despite what you have done!"
I hate your ex, if I may be so frank....
At no point did I feel the need to tell my ex of three months that I am seeing someone else, not even the abusive ex,

and I am seeing someone else, and it has been two months since I left for good.
And I hate my ex but wouldn't do it, because I am not a sadist.

:-((( Hurting for you.

Please call Samaritans if you are feeling at the end of your tether, 08457 90 90 90 - I called before and they are very good.
I of course do not know where you are but local Crisis team is also just great,

you do not deserve to be in so much distress. x

Posted by counting days on 14-Feb-12 11:33 GMT


thank you special ladies for your words.......so needed. x

now he is texting saying well maybe we could try again but he must move back in and tuff what friends and family think!!!!!!!!!!!!

no way.......i know i have to stay stong but good its hard.....ive cried soooo much in the past 3 months.......its a shame calories arent tears!

stay strong
eye wide open
dont be fooled
remember the bruises
remember the verbal abuse
spitting in my face
not letting me move off the floor and told me what a mess i was coz i wet myself in fear
took a four hour beating
2 broken ribs
2 black eyes
dislocated jaw
so many bruises that i had to take warfrin to thin the blood to stop it clotting
hearing problem coz he pulled me around by them
broken toe
and bruising up my legs were he stamped on me several times

so remember.............DO NOT GO BACK!!

Posted by xmas123 on 14-Feb-12 15:34 GMT

That souds so scary.

I am so sorry have suffered so much and still are suffering now. You have done so well for staying away for three months already, don't let him text you and send you back to misery - change your number, he had had enough of your tears!
You are not just dealing with what had already happened, and the horrific physical abuse - he is abusing you right now:-(((
Stay strong x x x

Posted by counting days on 14-Feb-12 15:44 GMT

dear Xmas

The ark has all kinds of shining tonight, coming from it's windows: candles, soft lights, and there is tea. Lots of it. And I am sitting there on couch. Hope you'll join me for a cuppa.

Xmas, first of all I send you many hugs. I wish I could hold you. And just caress your hair, and then smile like I do know, with tears in my eyes: because I know. I know. I know. I have been there, and back. And again, down there, and back. I never felt as low in my life, as when I saw ex coming walking in the street. I had just been inside his flat reading his diary because i was in the belief that he would write me a letter as he said. I went to his house because I wanted to see if he had written something. He had said to me he would. And then I took his diary and read in it about all kinds of women. Later he told me he had gone off datingsites couple of months before. Because -apparently - he had met someone who he would want to try having a relationship with. He went back on it. And for me he wouldnt go off those sites. He said he couldnt, it had no point. And yet again he lied to me, that there was no one. He said it in my face and I never ever shall forget those eyes. I read all, and he had said there was no one else. And then I saw him. It was in slow motion, I left the appartment just in time, and then I saw his trousers, his upper body was behind a traffic sign, I saw hands holding, the woman, with long reddish her. They both walked up to me. There was no escape. I was so so so low. He didnt even want to say anything, not even greet me. I said Hi so they had to stop. And then she said: well, we dont have anything steady going on. I just stammered: what isnt now, could be soon. I collapsed when I got home. The lies. The idea that "she" knew all about me, and I never even knew he was seeing someone. I felt less than nothing to him.

I know what you mean when you write about this immense pain he is seeing someone else. Is it like your dreams are shattered? That hope? And even that lovability of YOU? It was like that for me, I wonder how it feels (implies) for you? What does it mean to you that he has someone else? Is it that what you thought you had is unreal? I ask these questions not to hurt you (sorry if they do!) but because for me it was essential I worded WHAT that pain consisted of. Maybe it isnt important to you. That is OKAY, we all are different in this.

But for me it implied he didnt love me. Maybe never had. That he lied in my face. That there was now maybe this woman who wouldnt see his violent side, because that was somehow (and after all?) triggered by me. I was and still am so afraid that he isnt like this with other women, meaning that it was ME. Is that also a fear you have?

I dont know if you want to go into it, and whatever your answers, I want to stress that HE IS NOT WORTH YOU!!!!!!!!!!! He doesnt deserve to spend time with you anymore. He has abused you so so much, and love doesnt hurt. It feels good, it makes you the best of persons you could be. LOVE FEELS GOOD. It has nothing to do with the pain he inflicted, that immense hurt, your tears, your confusion, his lack of interest in you, that HE has shown. Nothing.

I know how you may be feeling like erasing all that sh*t. And run to him, make things "right". Underneath that beautifull picture you want to see is his pitchblack soul. Dont get near it and dont be infected by it again.

As for now I would love to give you that big friendship-french-fancy-cuddle this forum is famous for by now. And while I hold you you look around and see that safe Ark, with the light logs, the fire burning quietly and those pictures of landscapes, rivers and suns we made, hung on the walls. You'd see Ash, Softee, Chloe, Littleone, KKW, CS, and everyone (everyone!) of the forum, and you'll klnow you're not alone, ever.

And please tell me what you think, who you long for when it is getting dark and let that longing out here, and those questions and that pain. We will be there, listening patiently to all of it.

Whenever you hope and think and long for (like I did and still do) that ex can hear you, come on here.

The pain will crumble, just remember that........


Posted by Rapaiola on 14-Feb-12 21:18 GMT