ARCHIVE - Leaving an abusive relationship
ive been with him for almost 5 years and the past 3 hes been abusive towards me both physically and mentally. we lived together when it first started but i left not long after and we now live apart which is a blessing. last year i had a daughter with him , not planned but shes the best thing in the world and i wouldnt change her. the abuse hasnt stopped even tho hes hardly around. he calls me fat and ugly even tho im size 10 and far from it but it does make u believe thats what everyone else thinks. he tells me he hates me and my daughter hates me and she will leave me one day as im a bad mother, he says my mom and dad hate me and my mom left my dad because she couldnt stand me. he takes my money of me for his drugs and even when i say i have non he says he will come to my house and rip the place apart till he finds it and takes my last 10 pound as well as hitting me off all the walls and , in his words, "make me taste my own blood" . he hits me in front of my daughter , hes done it today because i told him not to shout in front of my lil girl as she cries and he punched me constantly i have a bruise coming from the top of my shoulder down to my elbow and on my ribs. he slaps and punches me in the head , hes kicked my car in while me and our daughters been in there. its been going on for years , even when i was pregnant he pushed me over and kicked me in the back. im not even going to say that hes a nice person when hes not doing it because hes nasty 90% of the time so being nice means nothing to me. i would never ever be the type of person who would let anyone do this but hes changed me im nothing like i was. it breaks my heart to think my daughter is seeing all this and maybe remember . i want out for her sake but it feels impossible . i tell him that i dont want this and dont want to be around him and he just tells me i have no choice. a few weeks ago he stayed at my house for 2 weeks and wouldnt go. ive thought sometimes about calling the police but i never can go through with it, not cos of him cos of me and my girl. i havent told a sole about whats been going on cos they wouldnt believe me. i would hate for people to think im making something like this up. he knows what hes doing is wrong but he wont stop. i feel trapped. just need to get it off my chest sometimes. sorry for long post
Created by bella9 on 14-Oct-11 13:26 GMT
I am so sorry you in such an awful situation with such a wicked abusive excuse of a human being.
What is that makes you think people wouldn't believe you? Is he totally charming in front of everyone else?
You do have a choice and you will get back to the person you were before you met him, but you really do need support to help you get there... this forum is incredibly supportive. i think it would also really help if you had someone you could confide in. is there anyone - friends, family - that you feel you could talk to?
I;m sorry this is so short but I have to get going now, will reply in greater detail soon. Just wanted you to know you're not alone x
Posted by citizensmith on 14-Oct-11 15:16 GMT
I am sorry your putting up with this man and his evil actions. I really feel for you. Maybe contact the police or ring the helpline. What he is doing is pure evil. You are a good mum your trying to protect your little girl. I do truely feel for you sending you love and strength x x
Posted by Confused29 on 14-Oct-11 15:24 GMT
Oh Bella9, how terrible. What a monster of a man, especially abusing you in front of your daughter.
I am very worried for your wellbeing and your daughter's too, he obviously has no concern about you except that he wants you to keep it all quiet. Please Bella, get help, people WILL believe you! He is saying that to make sure that he never gets found out.
You do need help, these situations only get worse. If you tell the police they WILL believe you. Please phone the helpline number at the top of the page for support, you really need to get out as soon as you can, especially as he is so violent.
Do you have any family or close friends you can open up to?
I am truly worried for you and your daughter's safety, please go to the police station today, show them the bruises he has given you today, tell them what has happened. You have physical evidence to show them and I promise you that they WILL believe you. The police have the power to stop what he is doing to you. Your bruises are evidence against him, they need to be photographed.
Please take care, I know it feels like it is impossible to leave, but please at least show the police what he has done to you. You and your daughter deserve to live a peaceful normal life, not live a life in terror because of this appalling excuse for a human being. I cannot imagine how frightening your situation is, I wish I could give you a huge hug and tell you that it's all going to be okay!
I'm thinking of you and sending you lots of love and hugs.
Love Phoenix xxx
Posted by phoenix555 on 14-Oct-11 15:40 GMT
Sorry Bella after reading your post again I realised that he has left, I thought that he'd moved back in with you again. I am so glad that at least you're out of there but it must be awful that he is coming and going as he pleases.
Please go to the police today, he needs to be stopped before he does anything worse.
With lots of love, Phoenix xxx
Posted by phoenix555 on 14-Oct-11 15:43 GMT
Please go to the police Bella! You need your bruises officially documented, ALL of them,even if they seem piddly to you (I went to Womens Aid to have mine documented today and they said none of them were 'too small' to document) If they don't feel they can pursue a criminal action then you can get a non molestation order which the photo evidence will support so that if he comes to your property you can have him arrested. If you're scared for your daughter she can be added too so that he can't go near her.
I beg you,don't let him get away with it.
Love and strength to you.xxxx
Posted by LadyBlahBlah on 14-Oct-11 16:34 GMT
Welcome to the forum- I’m glad you found us and hope you find the support and help that you may be looking for. Thank you for taking the courage to post about what you are going through. I am sorry to hear that you have been treated so badly, you and your daughter deserve so much better.
You said in your post that you haven’t told anyone else about what you have endured. There is a lot of support available for you when you are ready to take the next step. You have already taken a huge step today to reach out on the forum and that is brilliant.
The National Domestic Violence Helpline is available 24/7 on 0808 2000 247 if you would like to talk confidentially, the Helpline Workers can talk things through with you as well as talk about any options available based on your circumstances. They cannot tell you what to do and they will not judge you, just as we will not here on the forum.
Your local domestic violence group will be able to offer ongoing emotional and practical support to you; they can help you with a leaving plan and support you along the way. You can find your local group here.
Have you considered going into a refuge? A refuge is safe and confidential accommodation for women and children fleeing domestic violence with refuge workers who can work with you emotionally and practically. The National Domestic Violence Helpline, local support group, police, housing department or social services can help you with finding temporary accommodation such as a refuge.
You do not have to go through this on your own, we are all here for you and we do believe you. Keep posting to us bella9; it can really help to offload.
Posted by WA Moderator on 14-Oct-11 21:15 GMT
just wondered how you were doing xx
Posted by Betty on 19-Oct-11 03:18 GMT