ARCHIVE - Leaving an abusive relationship

why is it so hard to leave the second or thrid time round?

Im trying to leave him and I have twice before,once for a month then once for five months. Every time I get back with him hes lovely for a while then again starts the abuse,this time hes gone to punching instead of hitting and hes made another girl his girlfriend for 3 months behind my back.I only recently found out and its finished me off. He doesnt seem guilty much atall and has done nothing to even try and make it up to me. He is a heroin addict and instead of being with me his days are spent stealing nd selling goods to get mony for drugs and begging me for mony I refuse to give. Then when we occassionally spend the night together he sleeps constantly because of the drugs. It is heartbreaking. Im going home today,two hours away from him and his bit on the side,to visit fammily before uni starts in three weeks. I had the deposit saved for a shared student house and today I found he has stolen almost half of it before leaving to go back to his. I am heart broken I dont know how to leave him again,even though I feel so rejected and unloved. I feel he doesnt care either way what happens. I hate that I want him to want me and he says he does then acts like he doesnt. Please help, I just want to be happy x

Created by how2moveonx on 21-Aug-11 09:31 GMT

What you need to do now

It is hard to leave him for so many reasons - some which make sense, like your love for him, and some that dont make sense to anybody else but you. The reasons are not the focus though. You know it is hard to leave and you need to do it. Going back will be harder because you know what is in store for you.So, go stay with your family. Try very hard not to answer his calls or get into contact with him in any way. Surround yourself with people who are warm and who can have a good laugh so that you too, can take your mind off things for a while. do nice things in these 3 weeks - sleep lots, watch some good telly, take long walks and have nice bubble baths with a good magazine. Get some nice stationery in preparation for uni. When you get there, throw yourself into your studies like never before. Eat well.
As the hours, days and weeks pass, you will find that you have endured the most terrible of time with him and after him, but slowly things will get better. the memories will be less painful and in the fullness of time, the love that you had for him, will be focused on other things that are good for you. Do you have access to a counsellor? Talking about it will go a long way towards understanding what has happened and in understanding yourself. You can do this
We are all behind you and supporting you what ever decisions you make. Keep posting so we know how you are doing. I am sending you lots of warm thoughts and wishing you well at uni.But I am especially sending you strength and love for today, because today you are very sore and raw.
xxx

Posted by KiaKahaWahine on 21-Aug-11 11:11 GMT

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Thankyouxx

that was a lovely reply. Im so lucky to have got back into uni, I nearly messed up completely with all my focus on him. I will read back over your reply to keep me strong it helpsxx I hate my thoughts, especially him and her together they go round like a washing machine all day long, when I should be glad to be rid of him xxx hope you are well?xxx

Posted by how2moveonx on 21-Aug-11 11:23 GMT

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I have good days and bad days too. I find the despair difficult to deal with esp since I am in and out of court for the next 6 months for 2 separate cases. Even though I am going through hell, I am happier now than I have ever been
xxx

Posted by KiaKahaWahine on 21-Aug-11 12:19 GMT

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