Moderator: Lisa (WA Moderator)
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ARCHIVE - Life after abuse
Brief background: With an abusive bf for 14 months, broke up about 2 months ago, no contact for about 1 month. Got back to normal life when I talk to more people, my family and some of my closer friends know about the violence. We are from same college studying same course. (oh no!)
Before going on no contact, he told me that he started seeing another girl, although I thought he was saying it just trying to make me feel jealous (and it just shows that obviously he doesn't really love me that much). Nothing much happened between me and him, I am getting more and more used to him being around in lectures and stuff - I feel safe as long as there are other friends/ people who know me personally around.
Just now I saw him being in the same room as me without any people who knows me. (We were back to back, and I was stretching and looked around, and there he is.) Similar situation happened before, and I walked away. But this time - he was with a girl. He was sort of close with her, giggling happily.
Suddenly I started to breathe quickly and my whole body shook. Counted to 10 to calm myself down, packed my stuff, and RAN out of the room. What is wrong with me????? What was actually going on in my mind to make me feel so scared? I have no feelings for him at all, and I am definitely not jealous or anything. But I was thinking... the same thing that happened to me... will happen to that girl. And another girl. And another. Again and again. Until many girls' hearts got broken, and their psychological health damaged.
Now I stopped shaking and more calm already. But I just wonder does anyone have similar experience before? How do you cope with it?
Created by sillybear on 21-May-11 19:07 GMT
Your name does make me laugh. Of course it's normal to have all the horrible feelings flood back when you see him, it's like an electric shock. You are the main concern that you should have. You can do nothing to help his next victim, and there will be one. Just be happy that it is not you. You are a strong lady, cliche, I know , but time is the healer, it will get better, it is early days yet. Be good to yourself, you will get there. Take care x
Posted by getting better on 21-May-11 23:04 GMT
and welcome to the forum. I think your reaction was completely understandable;it's early days for you yet,and you are bound to react so strongly when you have a reminder of his treatment of you.
Sadly you can't protect anyone else from him,and if you spoke to his new girlfriend she would not believe you. I expect he is still in the charming,wooing phase with her,so she may even think you were jealous.
Look after yourself,and if you would like some support,please call the National domestic Violence Helpline on 0808 2000 247
Best wishes
Lisa
Posted by WA Moderator on 22-May-11 10:52 GMT
Your messages make me feel much better about myself. Yes I can nothing about him and his new partner, and I am not going to do anything at this moment. Just going to sit back and watch. Coincidentally that girl approached me and I am actually starting to befriend her. She is a very nice girl, and I hope she doesn't fall into the same trap as I did.
And also, I felt that my abuser is a bit scared of me telling others what happened between us so people would look down on him. (Well I don't think he knows I did tell others though.) Knowing that actually makes me feel good about myself. =)
Posted by sillybear on 23-May-11 19:04 GMT
