ARCHIVE - Leaving an abusive relationship

I'll light some candles for you and send prayers!

At least you know what to expect - small comfort though right?

Only you can answer why you let him keep playing you, how about a little no contact? of course that would mean the dog gets to stay with you!

*sigh*

love and hugs,

CT

Thanks for replying. If i dont take his calls he turns up at work, or worse still at Mom's and its a Police job then, so I try to keep it "civil". I go no contact if (when) he starts being abusive, but take his calls if he is being "normal". I keep trusting (laugh) that he will stick to his word and sort things out as we have agreed, and he goes so far down the line, but never finalises things. As for the dog, it would be all out war if I said i was keeping him I plan to do just that once i have my own place, but again I hold off for now so he stays away from Mom's.

I am so tired. I always get really depressed (spiritually not clinically) when he is coming back.

he's just exhausting you, where does he get his energy? sounds like mine, I've decided to count the phone calls this week, so far today 6 calls! Not shouting ones, because I've done my duty (yes, that!), but too many anyway!

love and hugs,

CT

He has all his energy to spend on thwarting me from moving on with my life because the 3 weeks he is here he doesnt have to work, unlike me, trying to hold down a full time job, wondering what he's cooking up next. Plus I broke my wrist just before Xmas and I still cant drive. This makes me feel really vulnerable because if I know hes on the war path I cant even disappear like usually do. The Police classified me "high risk" when I left and although things have been a bit quieter of late I am under no illusions that he could explode at any point in time. He always knows he can find me at work if all else fails and has done so on a few occasions. One time he spotted me in the car park opposite my office and as soon as i saw him I tried to walk back over to the office as quick as possible. But he backed the car up like a maniac and had me pinned between the car and a wall, screaming at me through the open window (cant even remember what it was he wanted that day - probably something to do with the Solicitors).

I know I should press charges really, but I genuinely think he would kill me, and the DV police sergeant has told me she thinks hes quite capable of doing so. Her exact words were "aways dial the nines if hes playing up, I dont want to come in to work one morning and find you on a slab in the morgue". She told me this happened to one of her "other girls" last year and she never wants to ee it again, which reminds me that it can and does happen and many of us are only one tantrum away from becoming a statistic.

Sorry - thats a bit heavy. But I have to remind myself every now and then that although I am so much stronger now than when I left, I still hve to safety plan all the time and not let my guard down.
xx

he's like a male succubus (sp???), sucking the life from you.

You know how to stay safe, and your time will come!

love and hugs and candles etc.

CT
xxx

anyone want a lodger for the next 3 weeks?

then happily lol, lots of candles babe, hope he behaves, i doubt it though, they never do xxx

Dear Alcatraz you can count on constant candles for the next 3 weeks HE is in town,
So sorry to hear he still has a way into your life, and I understand that you need to keep it civil. I know it is sooo hard, try to not let him get to you as much, play nice all you can, and throw yourself into work and fill your evenings with activity.
If you can then just call the police so that they know he is going to be around...
Please be safe sweetie!
So much hugs for you! and of course candles!
xxx
Viv

Your support means a lot. You know how I feel and that helps. Only trouble with playing nice is he thinks I am "OK" with him again and I'm sure he thinks I will go back eventually. You would think he would have got the message by now.

Oh well, you never know, I might be house hunting by March (dont hold your breath).
xx

xxxxxx

CT