ARCHIVE - Life after abuse
Sorry to put a downer on this time of year which should be about happiness and kindness to others. It's just I am in such emotional turmoil since the ex text me last week. I text him and cuase he was Mr Nice guy i encouraged him. He wants to come and see me to give me back some of my stuff that i left behind. I want to see him soo bad but yet I dont think it would be good for me to see him. i just dont know what to do..well i suppose I know what i have to do but i dont want to do it. I think that's because doing the right thing in life is always the much harder option isnt it?? Whereas giving in to my heart my feelings I guess that's easier. It's just when he maintains the Mr Nice guy act I forget all the bad stuff. i remember the good times, the laughs we had together. I'm still in the process of rebuilding my life again..I've come far but I've still not got everything the way I want it in terms of job and although the thought of having a new relationship is absolutely unthinkable..i still long to have someone special in my life. I am such as mess and I was doing so weell..the day before the text came I remember waking up and realising that he wasnt the first thing on my ming..I felt smug..I felt happy and free and then BANG..it seems to be a repeating pattern every 3-4 months he appears..it's my fault I I am ashamed to admit I gave him my new number. God what an idiot I am. I know I need to let him go but why does it fell so fundamentally wrong to let him go? Why do I feel like I'm about to do a bungee jump off the highest bridge in the world without wearing a harness? Why do I feel like I'm having some kind of panic attack and I cant breath properly witn the terror of losing him for good. And the worst I have already been through all of this and I survivided to tell the story but now I have just fallen right off the wagon. So sorry I just need to get this out of my system as much as possible . OOOh god! Anyway thanks for reading.
Created by lilianna35 on 26-Dec-10 19:01 GMT
put that phone in a drawer, get a anew sim card and start again... one step forward 2 back or as my gorgeous nephew said to me after my ex had me arrested .... blah blah.... get knocked down 6 times stand up 7.
we do learn from our mistakes back on the wagon... if it helps say the serenity prayer they use in recovery programmes
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
much love and strength xx
Posted by lucy1 on 26-Dec-10 20:22 GMT
Thank you so much that prayer is beautiful and it puts things in perspective. Thank you. I've put him off coming to see me without being aggressive. I dont want to bring out Mr nasty. So I will leave it at that and see about getting his number barred from my phone. It's like a madness this thing we feel for these men. I just dont understand how i am so logical and sensible when it comes to dishing out advice to others and yet when it comes to my own affairs I am the biggest fool of all. I will take it moment by moment like the prayer says and thinking of it like that doesnt seem so everwleming. Thanks again
lots of love
Posted by lilianna35 on 26-Dec-10 20:39 GMT
we are human we have hearts... we love these people or have had, they are the fathers of our children... if it was easy we would just cut off ... we have been hurt so much,...despite what they have done we forgive etc etc etc we know the story but we must surely love ourselves more. xx
take care of yourself
take the advice you give others
and enjoy the rest of the day
and glad you liked the prayer ... its great advice x
Posted by lucy1 on 26-Dec-10 20:46 GMT