Women being abused by other family members may find the questions and answers below relevant to their situation. Click on a question to view the answer.
- After recently marrying I’ve moved in with my husband’s family. My mother-in-law is psychologically abusive towards me. She calls me names, insults my family and has now blackmailed me into wearing traditional Asian clothes. don’t want to live like this – what should I do?
- My brother in law bullies me and has harassed, abused and attempted to attack me while I was seven months pregnant. I constantly feel under threat because of his bullying. I want to find out what help is available to me.
- My adult brother is harassing me. He’s been threatening to kill me for 20 years now. How can I make him stop?
- My son is being very abusive towards myself and my other children – what can I do?
- I’m 20 years old and I live at home with my parents. They won’t allow me any freedom at all. I’m not allowed out to see friends and they threaten me all the time. My father has even hit me on a couple of occasions. I can’t live like this any more. What can I do?
- I’m an 18 year old Asian woman and my father has recently found out that I’ve been in a relationship with a man from outside our culture. I’m fearful for my life as he says I’ve bought shame upon the family. What can I do?
After recently marrying I’ve moved in with my husband’s family. My mother-in-law is psychologically abusive towards me. She calls me names, insults my family and has now blackmailed me into wearing traditional Asian clothes. I don’t want to live like this – what should I do?
The way that your mother-in-law is treating you is completely unacceptable. You have the right to live your life the way you want. Making you wear clothes you don’t feel comfortable in and insulting you is emotionally abusive.
If your husband isn’t supportive of you, you may want to consider how you feel about the relationship if it means that the abuse from your mother-in-law is going to continue. Whether you decide to leave or continue in the relationship, you can access support from your local domestic violence service. Some domestic violence organisations also offer support specifically to women from particular minority ethnic communities. The National Domestic Violence Helpline* could help you find a service to suit your needs.
My brother in law bullies me and has harassed, abused and attempted to attack me while I was seven months pregnant. I constantly feel under threat because of his bullying. I want to find out what help is available to me and how?
You can be protected by both criminal and civil law. He shouldn’t be able to harass you in this way, and any attempted physical attack is against the law. If he has ever sent you any abusive messages it would be useful to keep them as they could be used as evidence. If you’ve ever spoken to a doctor or health visitor about the abuse this could also be used as evidence. It’s helpful to gather as much evidence as possible so that you can start to build a picture of what’s happening.
Under the criminal law, he could be prosecuted for offences involving fear of violence and criminal harassment. You don’t have to wait for an actual physical attack to take place in order to take action against him. You could contact the police and tell them what’s happening and they should take it very seriously. If you contact the police, ask to speak to someone from the domestic violence unit. These specially trained officers are used to dealing with similar cases.
For protection under the civil law, you could apply for a non-molestation order (an injunction) to prevent him from continuing this harassment. You’ll need expert legal advice to arrange this. Breach of a non-molestation injunction is a criminal offence. Rights of Women publish useful resources which could help you in terms of understanding your rights and the law.
If you feel in danger in your home you may want to think about seeking emergency accommodation.
My adult brother is harassing me. He’s been threatening to kill me for 20 years now. How can I make him stop?
This has been happening for a very long time now and unfortunately, if he’s not taking action to address his behaviour, it’s unlikely to stop. Making threats to kill is an arrestable offence so you could contact the police about it. It’s understandable that this is a big decision and it can be especially difficult when it’s a family member that you’re reporting. Try to remember that any trouble he gets into will be a result of his actions not yours. You’re not in any way responsible for what’s happening, and so you wouldn’t be responsible for any consequences that happen as a result of his threats and intimidation.
You could also apply for a non-molestation order (an injunction) to prevent him from continuing this harassment. You’ll need to seek expert legal advice to arrange this. Breach of a non-molestation injunction is a criminal offence.
If you feel in danger in your home you could move into emergency accommodation.
My son is being very abusive towards myself and my other children – what can I do?
To some extent, this depends on the age of your son. If he’s under 16, you may want to try and find help – perhaps from Social Services or your GP. Social Services have a duty to help you protect your other children from harm and they may be at risk while he’s in the home. It’s the Social Services’ responsibility to carry out a needs assessment under the Children Act if he is under 18. If you’ve already gone to Social Services and they have said they’re unable to help, make a note of the individuals’ names that dealt with your case and, if possible, get it in writing.
Parental responsibility applies only up to the age of 16, so if he’s above that age, legally you can evict him from your property (i.e. the next time he leaves the property, don’t let him back in, and change the locks), without your getting punished for it. You can also get an injunction to prevent further harassment or to exclude him from your home. It will help your case if you have some suggestions as to where else he can go.
You could also contact the Children's Legal Centre or Parentline Plus for support.
I’m 20 years old and I live at home with my parents. They won’t allow me any freedom at all. I’m not allowed out to see friends and they threaten me all the time. My father has even hit me on a couple of occasions. I can’t live like this any more. What can I do?
The way that you’re being treated at home is completely unacceptable. You’re an adult and should be allowed the freedom to live your life the way you want. The threats and the violence are against the law and so you do have the option of involving the police. It’s understandable that when the abusers are your family members this can be exceptionally hard and so you may not wish to involve any authorities. This is entirely your decision.
The National Domestic Violence Helpline can help you to get out of this situation if you feel that it is time for you to leave. You could access refuge accommodation away from your family in a place where you would be safe from harm.
I’m an 18 year old Asian woman and my father has recently found out that I’ve been in a relationship with a man from outside our culture. I’m fearful for my life as he says I’ve bought shame upon the family. What can I do?
As you’re in fear for your life it’s important for you to think carefully about the best thing to do for your safety. You can access refuge accommodation in a place where your father won’t be able to find you. It’s important that you go to an area where your family doesn’t have connections so that it would be very difficult for him to locate you.
It’s understandable that when the abusers are your family members this can be exceptionally hard and so you may not wish to involve the police or any other authorities. This is entirely your decision.
Whether or not you decide upon any of these courses of action, the National Domestic Violence Helpline can offer you emotional support and can perhaps help you think through what you want to do.
*The National Domestic Violence Helpline is run in partnership between Women's Aid & Refuge.
