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Women considering staying in a refuge may find the questions below relevant to their situation. The Survivor's Handbook also contains a section on staying in a refuge.
- What is a refuge?
- Who can stay at a refuge?
- How do I arrange refuge accommodation?
- How will we travel to the refuge?
- Can I book in advance?
- Can I stay in the location of my choice?
- What will it be like at the refuge?
- What can I take to with me to the refuge?
- How long can I stay in a refuge?
- How is communal space shared?
- What do I do about money and rent if I am unemployed?
- What do I do about my job?
- What are the cooking arrangements?
- How is food stored in the communal kitchen?
- Will we have a garden?
- Will I share the bedroom with my children?
- I want to stay with people from my ethnic group, can I do that?
- Do refuges have disabled access?
- Is the bathroom shared?
- What about children in the refuge?
- Can I bring my teenage sons with me?
- Can I bring my pets?
- I don't want to stay in a refuge – do I have any other options?
- I’d like to make a complaint about a refuge – what should I do?
- I’m unhappy in the refuge that I am staying in – what can I do?
- I think my daughter may be staying in one of your refuges – how can I get in contact with her?
- What happens when I leave?
- If I leave a refuge, can I go back?
What is a refuge?
A refuge is a safe house which offers temporary accommodation for women and their children. There are over 500 refuges in the UK, providing a place of safety for any woman who needs to escape violence, married or single, with or without children. View photos of a real refuge to see what it's like.
Many of these refuges are run by local Women's Aid organisations. Women's Aid refuges are run by women (often a combination of paid staff and volunteers) and are for women and children. Some refuges are specifically for women from particular ethnic or cultural backgrounds - for example Black, Asian or South American women. Some refuges have disabled access, and staff and volunteers who can assist women and children who have special needs. They don’t usually have 'live in' wardens, and women staying in the refuge usually have a say in how the refuge should be run.
Many women come to the refuges for a break from the violence. Refuges provide a breathing space where decisions can be made free from pressure and fear. Women can stay as long as they want - this can be anything from a few days to several months. The refuge will help if you need to find a more permanent place to stay. If you need to you can stay in the refuge until you’re permanently re-housed.
All refuge addresses and most telephone numbers are confidential, so that it’s difficult for the abuser to find a woman who has left home. You will usually be unable to stay in a refuge in your local area – this is for safety reasons. The refuge staff will want to be sure that your abuser will not be able to find you. Because of this you’ll need to be a safe distance from the areas that your abuser has associations with.
Who can stay at a refuge?
Any women who’s experiencing domestic violence can go to a refuge, but you don't have to prove that you have been abused. It doesn't matter if you’re married or single, and you don't have to have any children. If you do have children, the National Domestic Violence Helpline* will help you find a refuge for all of you, so you don't have to separated.
Domestic violence is experienced by women of all races, ages, classes and religions, and occurs in heterosexual, lesbian and gay relationships. You can look on the Domestic Abuse Directory for a service, or ring the National Domestic Violence Helpline, and they will try to find a refuge for you.
There are also some specialist refuges, designed specifically for women from different religious or cultural backgrounds, and there are also refuges which can provide additional support for women who have more complex needs. If you’d prefer a refuge specifically for women from a particular cultural or religious background, or need one which has specialist equipment and adapted rooms, please ask and the National Domestic Violence Helpline will help you find a refuge where you will feel most comfortable.
How do I arrange refuge accommodation?
You can look in the Domestic Abuse Directory or alternatively call the National Domestic Violence Helpline. It’s best to phone the helpline on the morning that you want to go into a refuge, between 10am and midday. It’s much easier to find a space in a refuge during the week, and you can go into a refuge on the same day. However, the National Domestic Violence Helpline operates 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, so if you need to leave outside of these times they’ll still be able to help you.
You can also access refuge accommodation through Social Services, the Citizens’ Advice Bureau, Housing Departments or the Police. Many refuge organisations are also listed in the telephone directory.
Once refuge accommodation has been arranged, a refuge worker will discuss the location of the refuge with you. It’s important that you keep this information to yourself, and that you take care not to leave it at your home as you leave.
How will we travel to the refuge?
When space has been found at a refuge, the refuge workers will help you make arrangements to travel to it (see case study). Some refuge organisations may be able to arrange for someone to meet you at a station or contact point. If you have no money for travel, Social Services may be able to give you a 'travel warrant'. This will cover the cost of your transport to the refuge. The refuge workers will help to guide you through the process.
Can I book in advance?
Unfortunately, accommodation can’t be booked in advance as availability is constantly changing.
Can I stay in the location of my choice?
The National Domestic Violence Helpline will do their best to find you a space in the location you want to be in, but this can’t be guaranteed as availability is always changing. It’s best to call and check – or you can contact a local domestic violence service direct.
What will it be like at the refuge?
Some refuges have self-contained family units, but most refuges will usually give you your own room for yourself or to share with your children. The living room, TV room, kitchen, playroom and possibly the bathroom will be shared with other refuge residents. You‘ll be expected to cook for yourself (and your children). It’s up to you and the other residents whether or not you eat together at mealtimes or each cook individually.
Refuges have their own code of conduct regarding the day to day running of the house which will usually cover things like alcohol use, bedtimes for children, incoming telephone calls and rotas for using the washing machine. You can be as self contained or as sociable as you want to be.
What can I take to with me to the refuge?
You won’t be able to take lots of bulky items to the refuge. There probably won’t be room for things such as furniture, large toys and televisions. The refuge worker will discuss with you what space is available.
It can be very distressing to have to leave behind your home and possessions. It’s worth remembering that the local authority has a duty to store the possessions of a person going into refuge accommodation. However, this can be quite difficult to arrange if the abuser remains in the property.
If you need to leave in an emergency, it’s difficult to plan what to take with you, but if you can spend a few minutes preparing, view a list of the essentials that will be extremely useful. Don't worry if you don't have the time to remember everything.
How long can I stay in a refuge?
You can stay in a refuge for as little or as long as you need to. You may just want a breathing space, to enable you to work out your future. Some women and their children stay at refuges for months. While you’re at the refuge you can talk to refuge workers about your housing options. If you need help, they’ll guide you through the process of finding some permanent housing, if that’s what you need, as well as discussing other housing options. You may decide that you want to go back to your own home - staff will help you with this if you need it.
How is communal space shared?
Some refuges have self-contained family units but most refuges usually give you your own room to share with your children at the refuge. Other spaces in the refuge are communal, e.g. the living room, TV room, kitchen, playroom and possibly the bathroom.
What do I do about money and rent if I’m unemployed?
Once you’ve left your partner, you can usually claim social security benefits for yourself and any children you have with you. This is your right. If you have children, you may be expected to claim child support from their father; but if there’s a risk that this would cause harm or undue distress to you or any children living with you – for example, because of violence and abuse – you can opt out. Refuge workers can assist you with this. If you have no young children with you, you’ll probably need to claim Jobseekers’ Allowance and be available for work.
If you’re subject to immigration control, you can’t usually claim most state benefits. This is known as having “no recourse to public funds”. There are some (minor) exceptions to this rule. Funding is available through Supporting People to allow women with insecure immigration status and who are experiencing domestic violence to access “housing related support” either in a refuge or other temporary accommodation. Local authorities do have a statutory power under the Children Act 1989 to ensure that children “in need” or “at risk of significant harm,” are adequately fed, housed and cared for. Some local authorities may use this provision to pay for you to stay with your children in refuge accommodation. Local authorities also have the power under section 21 of the National Assistance Act 1948 to assist victims of domestic violence, but this is subject to local discretion.
Some refuge organisations will provide you with accommodation and support even if you have no recourse to public funds, though they will have to cover the costs from their own reserves, and therefore may have to place limits on the number of women in this situation that they can take at any one time. View the Survivor's Handbook for more info on this subject.
What do I do about my job?
If you’re in full or part-time regular employment that you wish to continue with, but need to go into temporary refuge accommodation as a result of domestic violence, consider discussing your situation with your manager, your boss, or your personnel officer. By having this confidential meeting, you may be able to arrange some time off work- this could be allocated as annual or sick leave. You may be given the opportunity to transfer, so that you can continue working while moving to another area.
If you are in employment, you will be expected to pay rent at the refuge, although you may be entitled to some housing benefit if you have a low income and/or dependant children.
If you leave full or part-time employment in order to relocate and move into a refuge, you should be able to claim benefits. You’ll need to discuss this with a refuge worker as soon as you move into the refuge. They can help you with your application.
What are the cooking arrangements?
You can cook for yourself and your children in the communal kitchen. Sometimes, refuge residents may decided to share cooking but you don't have to do this if you don't want to
How is food stored in the communal kitchen?
In the kitchen each family will be given a spot in the fridge/freezer and will have a locked cupboard available to store food. If you or your children have special dietary needs – whether for cultural, religious or health reasons – you may be able to use a separate part of the fridge to store your food, and sometimes there’s a separate fridge for vegetarians.
Will we have a garden?
Many refuges have gardens that children can play in. It’s advisable to contact the refuge directly to find out if this is important to you.
Will I share the bedroom with my children?
In most circumstances, mothers will share a room with her children.
I want to stay with people from my ethnic group, can I do that?
Some refuges are specifically for women from particular ethnic or cultural backgrounds - for example Black, Asian or South American women. You could ask the National Domestic Violence Helpline whether a space in a specialist refuge is available.
Do refuges have disabled access?
Many refuges have disabled access, and most will have workers who can assist women and children who have impairments.
Is the bathroom shared?
In most refuges, women and children share bathroom facilities.
What about children in the refuge?
The National Domestic Violence Helpline can find you somewhere to stay where you can take your children. You won't be separated. Generally there are always lots of children in refuges - so they won't be short of someone to play with. Most refuges have special children's support workers, and are well equipped with play areas, toys and educational materials. Most also arrange regular activities and outings. The refuge workers will help to guide your children through the adjustment of leaving their home and settling in so they begin to feel at home in the refuge. Refuge workers will also help you sort out practical arrangements, like finding a new school or nursery. Find out about more about children and domestic violence.
Can I bring my teenage sons with me?
This depends upon the individual refuge. Some allow sons up to the age of 16, while others cannot take boys over the age of 13 or 14. Very few refuges will accept male children up to the age of 18. Talk to the National Domestic Violence Helpline about other options you may have.
Can I bring my pets?
Refuges can’t generally take house pets. Some refuges are equipped to accommodate small animals such as fish, mice and other caged pets. Additionally, some refuges have arrangements with local pet fostering schemes. It’s also worth remembering that the local authority has a duty to store the property of people who go into refuge accommodation. Sometimes they will accept a pet within this definition of property. Alternatively you may wish to arrange for a friend or family member to look after your pet whilst you are in a refuge.
I don't want to stay in a refuge - what are my options?
You can still call the National Domestic Violence Helpline. They can suggest other options which might be available to you. For example, you may be able to access emergency accommodation through your local authority. This would be in your local area and may be something like a hostel or a bed and breakfast.
You may want to consider friends and family that you could call upon to let you stay with them on a temporary basis. (However, bear in mind that your abuser may more easily be able to find you there.)
You may want to consider finding somewhere to rent privately. For more help and information on general housing options you could contact Shelter.
If you want to stay in your own home, you may want to get an injunction to protect yourself and your children, and to keep your abuser away.
If you decide not to go into refuge the National Domestic Violence Helpline can put you in touch with local outreach and support groups in your area, or you could contact your local domestic violence service. You can still receive personal and legal advice without living in the refuge, although we wouldn’t advise a woman to remain in her home if the situation could endanger the lives of her or her children. View more info on this subject in the Survivor's Handbook.
I’d like to make a complaint about a refuge – what should I do?
Individual refuge organisations have their own policies, rules, regulations and separate management committee who are accountable for the practices at the refuge. Neither Women’s Aid Federation of England nor the National Domestic Violence Helpline governs or regulate the way refuge organisations around the country operate.
If you experience a problem with a refuge where you’ve been resident you need to follow the complaints procedure for that particular organisation. Usually this involves putting your concern in writing directly to the management committee of the refuge organisation. They are then obliged to write back to you responding to your complaint. The way to get the address of the management committee is to contact the refuge and say that you need to write to the management committee. You don’t have to tell the refuge staff what it’s about.
I’m unhappy in the refuge that I am staying in – what can I do?
If you go into a refuge but then find yourself unhappy with either the location or the refuge itself you should talk to one of the workers at the refuge. If the situation can’t be resolved within the refuge, they will help you to transfer to a different refuge where hopefully you’ll feel more comfortable.
I think my daughter may be staying in one of your refuges – how can I get in contact with her?
Understandably, this can be very distressing not knowing where your daughter is. However, all services are confidential and the National Domestic Violence Helpline doesn’t keep records of which refuge a woman goes into so they wouldn’t be able to inform you of her whereabouts. Also, local domestic violence services keep their records completely confidential. This level of confidentiality is for her safety and you can be assured that if she’s in a refuge she’s in a safe place away from the abuse that she was experiencing. She will be receiving help and support and will contact you herself when she feels able to do so. She will probably not be able to tell you the exact location of the refuge that she’s staying in.
What happens when I leave?
You can return home from the refuge at any point. You may decide to return with an injunction. You may decide you want to be re-housed elsewhere. The choice is yours, and refuge workers will help you to decide what you want to do. They will also tell you how to get advice regarding joint property and mortgage agreements. Don’t agree to sign any documents relating to the tenancy or ownership of your home until you’ve taken legal advice.
If I leave a refuge, can I go back?
Yes, you can use the refuge for information, friendship and support, or you can go back as a resident if you need to.
*The National Domestic Violence Helpline is run in partnership between Women's Aid & Refuge.
